We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
