He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize