So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
