Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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