smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
