I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
