Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
