I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
