Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
