I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
