Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
