I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
