my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
