I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
