i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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