Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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