Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
