I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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