Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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