My Higher Power is John Stamos
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
