bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
