i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
