All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
