it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
