i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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