i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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