I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
