just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
