he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
