He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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