My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
