Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
