It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
