I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize