I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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