Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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