Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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