I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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