I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
