So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We are all done wearing pants today
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
