My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
