even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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