So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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