No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we made out on top of his cat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
