Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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