i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
