I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
