Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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