I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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