It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i need to put some appletini on your dick
MIDGETS
????
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
