remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
