yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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