HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
