you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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