i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
