I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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