it was like his penis was on wheels.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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