Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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