They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
