I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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