Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
