Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
