u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
