you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
