yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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