i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
