all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize