I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize