Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
