I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
