what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
