I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are all done wearing pants today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
