He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
