i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize