So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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