I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
