anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
