I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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