You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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