Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
