i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
