what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
