two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
