sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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