just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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