Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
