that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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