So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
