nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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