bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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