she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
