I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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