i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
