Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
