So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
