Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
