Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
