So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just pee around me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
