I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize