There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
