Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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