he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
