You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
