I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
