I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
