You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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