i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
