I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pooping to opera.
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